i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
