Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is wine microwaveable?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
