It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
