i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
