Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
