I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
