i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
