Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
