I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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