Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
