Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
