I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
