Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
