My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
