This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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