I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
