I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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