Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
