She is in my trunk
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
