Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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