im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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