WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
