and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
