I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think my moral compass just broke
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
