They should really pass out barf bags in church
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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