So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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