so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
