u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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