I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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