she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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