my phone needs a breathalizer
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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