a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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