dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
