Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize