I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
