Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
