When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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