I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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