I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
