im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
