is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
