I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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