Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
