I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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