So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
