I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
my poor anus
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
