We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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