I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
