Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
