is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
