he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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