he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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