Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I deserve to be covered in dicks
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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