Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
