Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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