Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
