It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
