i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
