I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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