This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You have to summon your inner elephant
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
