If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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