when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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