Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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