The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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