Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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