I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i think my tv is drunk
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize