Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
